The Power of Noticing: Praising Children with Intention

Dear Mountain Song Families, 

This week in the Inner Garden, we are focusing on something simple, powerful, and often underestimated: how we praise our children. 

Praise matters. Children learn best when the adults around them notice their effort, their choices, and their growth over time. The way we reflect these moments back to them helps shape how they see themselves. Done thoughtfully, praise can build confidence, encourage persistence, and support children in navigating challenges with more resilience. 

At the same time, not all praise lands in the same way. Some types of praise can unintentionally create pressure or make children feel evaluated rather than understood. The goal is to praise in ways that truly support growth. 

Here are a few gentle shifts that can make a meaningful difference: 

Be specific
Instead of general phrases like “good job,” try naming exactly what you noticed. This helps children understand what they did and what they can repeat. “You put your toys away without being asked.” “You listened carefully and followed the directions.” Specific language helps children feel seen in a real and grounded way. 

Focus on effort, not just results
When we highlight effort, children begin to value the process of trying, practicing, and learning. This builds perseverance over time. “You worked really hard on that.” “You kept going even when it felt tricky.” This kind of praise tells children that their effort matters just as much as the outcome. 

Notice progress
Growth often happens in small, quiet steps. When we take the time to notice these shifts, children begin to recognize their own development. “You’re improving.” “That’s real progress.” Even subtle acknowledgment can help a child stay motivated and encouraged. 

Link praise to behavior
Naming the behavior helps children connect their actions with their impact. It gives them a clear understanding of what choices to carry forward. “You were kind when you shared your toy.” “You used calm words when you were upset.” This builds awareness and helps children internalize positive patterns. 

You may notice that these examples sound a little different from the praise many of us grew up with. That’s okay. This is not about getting it perfect. It’s about becoming more intentional, little by little. Give yourself grace as you learn to shift your language. 

It can also be helpful to gently move away from overusing general praise like “good job” or labeling children with fixed traits such as “you’re so smart” or “you’re the best.” While these are often said with love, they can sometimes shift a child’s focus toward pleasing others or living up to a label, rather than staying connected to their own effort and experience. 

A simple guide you might keep in mind: Praise effort + name the behavior = stronger learning “You kept practicing your reading by staying focused.” “You took your time and solved that problem step by step.” 

At the heart of all of this is connection. Children are not looking to be judged or evaluated. They are looking to feel seen, understood, and supported. When we notice what is going well, especially in the small, everyday moments, we help build a foundation of confidence and trust. Just as importantly, this approach often softens things for us as parents and caregivers too. It shifts us out of needing to correct or assess, and into simply observing and connecting. 

As you move through your week, you might try choosing one or two moments each day to pause, notice, and reflect something specific back to your child. These small moments add up in powerful ways. 

With Gratitude, 

Kim Butler
Licensed School Counselor
LPC Director of Mental Health Systems
kbutler@mountainsongschool.org